Monday, October 15, 2007

Here's the deal.

My friend for 20 years and husband for 16 left us (me, three kids) twice in just over a year. It was a huge shock to us the first time and less of a shock the second time. I've, we've, lived the last 2 years in crisis mode. We grieve. We're in therapy. We have been immersed in mental health issues and fallout, medications and diagnoses.

I am in a lot of pain. I felt unable to blog about it; I could barely talk about it with my closest family. I read other blogs and felt supported and helped and not so alone but I couldn't bring myself to comment and here I was silent. I was worried about privacy and linking to my life. I started an anonymous unlinked blog but the whole situation of my life became an elephant in the corner at my party. I became unable to share anything on my blog because I was avoiding that which was affecting me the most.

Lately, I've considered closing down all presence on the web but I decided instead to open myself up. It feels more honest and hopeful.

We'll be ok. We are damaged but hopeful in the main part. We keep going because I don't see a viable alternate. I keep going and doing the best I can for myself and our kids.

I hope I can breathe after this.


Jam said...

Thats the way it is, dear, and you know I speak from experience. You keep moving forward, because moving backward is just not acceptable. Its cheesy as hell, but I'm thinking of that old Rogers & Hammerstein tune, "You'll never walk alone." Its true. If you open yourself up, you find that a host of people will walk with you until you begin to hear that sweet, silver sound of a lark.

As best I can tell, you never 'get over it', but you can get past it and be a whole person, again. Pulling the elephant out of the corner is a good place to start.

Love ya, babe!

SwingsetAbby said...

You'll breathe again, love. You'll breathe, and dance, and sing, and feel joy, and see the beauty all around you. It may not feel exactly the same as it did before, but it will be real, and it will sustain you. Honest, it will.

Thinking of you.

lala67 said...

what SSA said. I couldn't imagine losing your presence on the web. I wish I the words to make it all better. Keep being open, don't let him take that away from you, you've endured too much.