Thursday, October 25, 2007

Last night was knitting night and we went. We are making it to the store to sit and knit about twice a month. Last week we were meeting with the Bishop and missed the knitting; knitting would have been more pleasant.

I didn't have much fun last night. I'm not sure what made it feel wrong.

1)It's a bit of a drive from our house; about 15 miles which isn't too far but is a 25 minute drive at least.
2)We have music lessons from 5-6pm and go straight from there to the knitting store; this means we either buy dinner out or pack something we can eat in the car.
3)We got to Sit'nKnit just after 7pm and there were no more seats available in the main section so the kids and I sat in a smaller couch chair circle but nobody joined us so conversation was between me and the kids and we talk all the time anyway.
4)The kids, who urged me to attend, asked multiple times very shortly after we arrived when we could leave. Then the girls asked for permission to go to the general store across the street where they bought chocolates for themselves. They did not take the boy with them.
5)I cast on twice for a Christmas present hat because I wasn't getting gauge. I worked out the gauge issue but then found that I could barely keep the stitches on the dpns I was using, I'm not sure if I have a circular in this needle size.

It's a long trip after a long day for (at least last night) very little benefit.


Leta said...

Did you know that knitting can activate your prefrontal cortex?

Jam said...

I find that, when I'm cranky and depressed, and not happy with myself/my situation, its really hard for me to connect with other people. I feel like there's an invisible wall between me and them, and I bang up against it when I try to make contact. I have tried going to places where contact is likely, like the knitting group I used to frequent, but I end up feeling invisible. I'm too out-of-sorts to reach out to others, and can only assume I'm projecting some sort of don't-touch-me energy field that keeps other people from trying reach out to me. The resulting isolation only increases my anxiety and unhappiness and I end up feeling worse than before. A nasty cycle. A negative feedback-loop, is probably a good description.

Sweetie, are you getting out by yourself, at all? Perhaps you could go to knitting, or to something else, without the kids in tow. Even if its just to Starbucks for a cup of chai. An hour alone, where you don't have to be Mom, or a sheepdog, or a dog walker, or anything else but just you will help you keep your emotional balance and allow you to relax.

Much love :-)