New Year's Resolution Update:
My paperwork isn't filed but I have paid all my bills so far this year and I feel like I have a grip on them. I do tend to put off paying them because...it's scary putting $900 into the account and paying out $850 for bills and knowing that there are more bills coming. Last weekend I took my bills on retreat with me and they were dealt with quite quickly. I feel pretty good about my progress.
I'm having more trouble with joy. I'm tired, I'm grumpy, I'm not doing healthy things I know will make me feel better. My kids are grumpy, fragile, and bickery. The one thing that consistantly soothes me is the night sky. When it is clear and sharp, when the sky is darkest blue and the trees are sharp black silouettes, when there is a haze around the moon, when strips of clouds slide across the stars, there is a quiet solidity and a comfort to the size and space of the sky that keeps me quiet and safe. That's as close to joy as I get these days. I think it is more than a start.